1. Who in your life do you deeply trust and why is it easy to trust them?
2. Who is someone you interact with often that you struggle to trust? Why is it hard to trust them?
How do you know when you can trust someone and how do they know they can trust you? Here are 7 keys I look for when deciding if I can trust someone personally and professionally. These as the ways I can create a foundation where others can deeply trust me.
#1. Trust Yourself
This is the most important of all 7 keys. If someone trusts themselves, they know they can get through any situation they face. People are drawn to those with this type of self-confidence. Insecurity puts off a vibe that makes others cautious of you. You can improve your trust in yourself by working on yourself and changing your damaging core beliefs, engaging in gratitude-building activities like my daily 5 & 5, and working on your self-worth. When you trust yourself, you don’t let fear & anxiety make your decisions.
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” ~ Corrie Ten Boom
#2. Stop Over-Thinking
People overthink because they’re prioritizing safety (e.g., control). Their mind won’t stop focusing on saying and doing things to control the situation and reaction of others (i.e., be accepted, avoid rejection, etc.). This rarely works and it is futile! Overthinking makes you vulnerable because it pulls you away from trusting your instincts. Avoid this perfectionism & procrastination trap. Invest in self-care to get out of your head. Take risks forcing yourself to let go of the outcome.
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#3. Be Consistent
The real damage caused by growing up raised by an emotionally unstable parent (i.e., addiction, untreated mental health issues, etc.) is the emotional inconsistency you experience. You never know what to expect. Sometimes you receive love & acceptance and at times its anger and rejection. There is no consistent pattern to their emotional responses to you. Consistency always breeds trust. If you see something inconsistent (i.e., frustration when you would normally get compassion, etc.), assertively ask for clarification. Do what it takes to be consistent in your relationships.
#4. Be Predictable
Someone is predictable when they behave the same way over an extended period of time. When you have seen over time that someone acts in your best interests 95% of the time, they are proving they’re trustworthy. Here’s a quick video I made on the damage of inconsistency. The cliche about trust is true: “trust takes a lifetime to build and a moment to destroy.”
#5. Prioritize Actions
I believe what people do, is much more important than what they say. People can say whatever they want to, but their actions tell you the truth about their character. The opposite is also true, when someone resists, and seems to initially reject your feedback, and then changes their behavior according to what you shared, they’re building trust. This happens to engaged parents with their teenagers all the time.
“Whoever is careless with the truth in small matters cannot be trusted with important matters.” ~ Albert Einstein
#6. Be Vulnerable
This means taking action, expressing feelings, and sharing opinions when you may be rejected, judged, and criticized. This means having the strength to not put nearly as much weight on what other people believe about you as what YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF. You learn a lot about other people’s character when you risk trusting them.
#7. Ruthless Honesty
Of all 7 keys, this is the hardest to live out. When someone asks you your opinion, do you tell them the truth? Surface-level honesty is easy (e.g., How old are you? Where do you work?), but emotional honesty takes self-confidence & courage (e.g., How do you feel about this? What’s bothering you?). It takes courage and confidence to be emotionally honest because people can get their feelings hurt and you can get rejected.
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