I have deeply rooted feelings of unworthiness. Even though I’ve had success in life, these feelings never totally go away. I have to fight them each day.
Many of my clients have a similar struggle with insecurity. They believe their value comes from their performance, just like I do. When they succeed, they get affirmation from others, and they feel loved. When they fail, or don’t achieve in some life area, the affirmation and perceived love stops.
Getting your value from performing well, or the opinions of others, will always leave you empty.
“We should have much peace if we would not busy ourselves with the saying and doings of others.” – Thomas a Kempis
You’re in danger when your value comes from …..
- What other people think about you
- Your job or career
- Your achievements
- What you own (cars, homes, businesses)
- How much money you have
- Your kids, spouse, friends
- The credentials you’ve earned
- Your physical appearance
- The condition of your health
- Your skills and abilities
Confidence always and only comes from inside, never from outside yourself, and it’s something you can develop. Do some self reflection and get to know yourself: not the person others have told you to be, but the real, special, and unique YOU.
Your uniqueness comes not only from the traits and life experiences you’re proud of, but from your failures and weaknesses. Identify what you love about yourself and enter into the battle of making this a part of your daily perspective.
3 Questions to Find Your Real Value
1. How Are You Put Together? (natural tendencies, personality traits, quirks, strengths, vulnerabilities, emotional characteristics, sensitivities)
2. What Draws Your Attention? (hobbies, passions, lifelong goals & dreams, what draws your focus)
3. What Life Experiences Have Shaped You? (nuclear family, extended family, victories, failures, trauma, education, adventures, setbacks)
Here’s a fillable pdf worksheet called Know Your True Value to guide you through the process of identifying 10 positive intrinsic traits and then trimming it down 4 things you love about YOU.
You can only be your true self if you know your worth. Knowing your value gives you the confidence to face life’s challenges. It gives the confidence to face rejection. If you feel good about yourself, it’s much easier to not take things people say and do personally.
When you know yourself, you can then work of being yourself. This means sharing yourself with the world. This means being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is a terrifying thing for me, yet each time I step out, I’ve grown considerably. Be yourself, the real YOU nobody else can be.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves by seen.” – Brene Brown
Question: What are your questions on this topic? (I will try my best and answer every single question or comment)