I’ve always struggled with self confidence but even more so the last few years. Some areas of my life have not gone as planned, leaving me feeling like a failure. My insecurities never totally go away, therefore I need to fight them each day.
Many of my clients have a similar struggles, believing their value comes from how well they are doing in different areas of their life (career, health, financial, marriage, etc.). When they do well, they get affirmation from others, and they feel loved. When they fail, or don’t achieve as they hoped, the affirmation and perceived love stops.
Getting your value from performing well, or the opinions of others, is dangerous. One of my all time favorite books called You Are Special addresses this topic magnificently.
You’re in danger when your value comes from …..
- What other people think about you
- Your job or career
- Your achievements
- What you own (cars, homes, businesses)
- How much money you have
- Your kids, spouse, friends
- The credentials you’ve earned
- Your physical appearance
- The condition of your health
- Your skills and abilities
Confidence always and only comes from inside, never from outside yourself, and it’s something you can develop. Do some self reflection and get to know yourself: not the person others have told you to be, but the real, special, and unique YOU.
Your uniqueness comes not only from the traits and life experiences you’re proud of, but from your failures and weaknesses. Identify what you love about yourself and enter into the battle of making this a part of your daily perspective.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves by seen.” – Brene Brown
3 Questions to Find Your Real Value
1. How Are You Put Together? (natural tendencies, personality traits, quirks, strengths, vulnerabilities, emotional characteristics, sensitivities)
2. What Draws Your Attention? (hobbies, passions, lifelong goals & dreams, what draws your focus)
3. What Life Experiences Have Shaped You? (nuclear family, extended family, victories, failures, trauma, education, adventures, setbacks)
Here’s a fillable pdf worksheet called Know Your True Value to guide you through the process of identifying 10 positive intrinsic traits and then trimming it down 4 quality you love about YOU.
You can only be your true self if you know your worth. Knowing your value gives you the confidence to face life’s challenges. It gives the confidence to face rejection. If you feel good about yourself, it’s much easier to not take things people say and do personally.
When you know yourself, you can then work of being yourself. This means sharing yourself with the world. This means being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is a terrifying thing for me, yet each time I step out, I grow. Be yourself, the real YOU nobody else can be.
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