The most attractive people in the world are people who LIKE THEMSELVES. They accept themselves as they are, consistently focusing on their positive intrinsic qualities. Good & honest people are drawn to genuine self-confidence in others like bees are drawn to honey.
Many of my clients struggle with self-worth, believing their value comes from their performance in different areas of their life (career, health, finances, marriage, etc.). When they do well, they get affirmation from others, and they feel valued. When they fail or don’t achieve as they hoped, they feel worthless.
Getting your value from performing well, or the opinions of others, is dangerous. One of my all-time favorite books called You Are Special addresses this topic magnificently. I can guarantee you will value yourself more if you take my 15 Minute Challenge described below.
15-Minute Daily Challenge
Every single morning, for 10 minutes, write down 5 things from the day before that were positive and 5 things you’re excited about later in the day. If you get this done in less than 10 minutes, use the remaining time to write down what you’re grateful for. Then, set a timer and for 5 full minutes look at yourself in the mirror and describe out loud what you intrinsically like about yourself. Tell yourself that you like and love yourself. If you are struggling to identify positive intrinsic traits, then check out the Know Your True Value Worksheet below. Do this for 30 days in a row without missing a day and you WILL improve your self-worth.
You Won’t Gain Long Term Self-Worth From:
- What others think about you
- Your job or career or where you work
- Your achievements
- What you own (car, home, business, etc.)
- How much money you have
- Your kids, spouse, friends
- The credentials/degrees you’ve earned
- Your physical appearance
- The condition of your health
- Your skills and abilities
- Being good at a hobby (e.g. fishing, painting, etc.)
Cultivating Self-Confidence & Self-Worth
You cannot fix an internal problem with an external solution. The solution to liking yourself lies within YOU. Confidence always and only will come from inside, never from outside yourself, and it’s something you can develop. Do some self-reflection and get to know yourself: not the person others have told you to be, but the real, special, and unique YOU.
Your uniqueness comes not only from the traits and life experiences you’re proud of, but from your failures and weaknesses. You have grown personally and are better to help others because of your setbacks. Identify what you love about yourself, and your life experiences, and make this a part of your daily focus.
“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves by seen.” – Brene Brown
3 Questions to Find Your Real Value (Long Term)
1. How Are You Put Together? (natural tendencies, personality traits, quirks, strengths, vulnerabilities, emotional characteristics, sensitivities)
2. What Draws Your Attention? (hobbies, passions, lifelong goals & dreams, what draws your focus)
3. What Life Experiences Have Shaped You? (nuclear family, extended family, victories, failures, trauma, education, adventures, setbacks)
Here’s a fillable pdf worksheet called Know Your True Value Worksheet to guide you through the process of identifying 10 positive intrinsic traits and then trimming it down to 4 qualities you love about YOU.
You can only be your true self if you know your true worth. Knowing your value gives you the confidence to face life’s challenges. It gives the confidence to face rejection. If you feel good about yourself, it’s much easier to not take things people say and do personally.
When you know yourself, you can then work on being yourself. This means sharing yourself with the world. This means being vulnerable.
Being vulnerable is a terrifying thing for me, yet each time I step out, I grow. Be yourself, the real YOU nobody else can be.
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