As your self-confidence improves, so does everything else in your life. Relationships strengthen, opportunities increase, and more peace enters your life. You CAN improve your self-confidence through finding clarity, hope, and by taking action.
I went sky diving for the first time in 2019. Tandem sky diving is an experience I would recommend. I did it to face a fear of flying that I’ve had for over two decades. Here are some other healthy ways to build your self-confidence.
18 Self-Confidence Building Decisions
Decision #1: Take Risks, Fail, Get up
When you fail, get rejected, or embarrassed, and still choose to believe in yourself, you’re growing. Decide today what 2 scary things you are going to do tomorrow. Make the phone call, ask for the sale, sign up for the class, call up that friend from the past, or meet someone new. Your confidence grows as you’re vulnerable. Make 1 courageous decision by the end of the day today.
Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Get out and get busy. – Dale Carnegie
Decision #2: Maintain Boundaries with Others
When you maintain boundaries with others, your confidence increases. For example, if you’re not comfortable with how someone in your family treats you, make your concerns clear. If someone violates a boundary you have established, kindly push back. Stay true to yourself. Respect yourself!
Decision #3: Keep Boundaries with Yourself
If you make a commitment to yourself, do whatever you can to keep it. For example, if you commit to getting up at 6am to work out, keep your promise to yourself. Each time you do, your confidence grows. Each time you compromise, your self confidence is hurt.
Decision #4: Know Yourself & Love Yourself
You cannot fully be yourself until you fully know yourself. Figure out what you really enjoy. Explore new hobbies. Journal your thoughts and feelings consistently. Meet new people. Be less concerned about what other’s think of you and more concerned about being yourself, regardless of what other’s think. Put your own self care first.
Decision #5: Deal With Your Past
Deal with your stuff. You cannot heal something that you deny. Many of my clients have experienced freedom from accepting and dealing with their past. Join a support group. Hire a great therapist. Create a timeline of your life experiences and see what comes up.
Decision #6: Put Yourself First
Unhealthy people put the needs of others ahead of their own. They do this because they fear they could be rejected if they say “no”. This is co-dependency. Take time for self-care. Buy yourself something nice. Splurge. You’re worth it.
Decision #7: Be Grateful & Assured
Choose to focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have. When you need a boost, go to gratitude.
Decision #8: Express Your Emotions
Identify how you feel, why you feel that way, and what you need. Kindly tell others. Be assertive. Have the courage to be emotionally honest.
Decision #9: Trust God
I attend Al Anon meetings. Step 3 of the 12 steps states, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Choose to trust that no matter what, you WILL make it through. There is ALWAYS HOPE!
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Decision #10: Be Humble
I can be filled with self-pity while focusing on how others are better than me. I can be arrogant by focusing on how I might be better than others. Both perspectives are faulty. I’m at my best when I’m humble, remembering that I’m no better and no worse than anyone else. I’m best when I remember my true value.
Decision #11: Take a Break from Work
It takes faith for me to not engage in work for a full day, but when I do, it helps me. Stepping away from work helps you understand what’s really important. It motivates you to be more efficient while working as well. Try a half day if a full day seems overwhelming.
Decision #12: Create a Vision
Create in your mind a clear picture of what you want your life to be like ideally in the future. It could be 2, 5, 10, or 20 years from now, the time frame is less important than being very specific about your dreams. Spend your free time reflecting on this vision and live today as if it were your reality. Here’s an article and worksheet that can help.
Decision #13: Go to Acceptance
This is key to unlocking the joy of today. Acceptance of yourself, others, your past, and your current circumstances gives you a foundation to build upon. You may need to say the serenity prayer over and over again.
“God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Niebuhr
Decision #14: Explore Your Options
It might not feel like it, but you DO have options. Look into new career opportunities, new hobbies, and new friendships. You can be loyal and committed while keeping your heart open to new opportunities. Options increase hope!
Decision#15: Create a Life Plan
I’ve had 3 different life coaches. They’ve all helped me clarify my life plan, which I call a Legacy Plan, and challenged me to go further than I thought possible. My clients create their own Legacy Plan through Decide Your Legacy’s 12 session coaching process.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. When one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ― Lao Tzu
Decision #16: Live in The Now
Don’t dwell on your past mistakes and failures. Don’t worry about your future. All you really have is today. Focus on making the most of each moment you have. Live today like it could be your last day on earth because it could be.
Decision #17: Improve Your Social Skills
Do something every day to get better socially. Gain skill in dealing with people and your confidence will grow. Read and apply the information from books like How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie and Skill With People by Les Giblin.
Decision #18: Be Generous
Give away your time and resources to mentor and support others. Your motivation shouldn’t be to fix people, but rather to inspire them to see their potential. Being genuinely curious will lead you to ask great questions that get them thinking.
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