How to Connect with Almost Anyone
A Tool for Building Relationships
We are not fueled by achievement, but by connection. Loving and supportive relationships are necessary to thrive. As a result of getting this backwards, when you fail, or life stops going well, or others achieve more, you’ll feel worthless. Furthermore, you’ll end up miserable just like all victims of the comparison trap.
In my experience, very few people feel deeply worthy of love and acceptance. Both your friends and your enemies, if they’re honest with themselves, struggle with feelings of inadequacy. People desperately want to feel like they belong, and you can help them by cultivating the habit of expressing genuine interest in their lives.
“The deepest need in human nature is the desire to feel important.” – John Dewey
Challenge yourself to collect information on the “favorites” of your friends, family, and co-workers. When you subtly, or even bluntly, gather this information, it makes them feel valued. It also gives you insight into how to encourage them in the future.
I’ve found that most people light up when someone is curious about them. Most people want to be known, not anonymous. Here’s the information to gather. It’s all relatively non-threatening. Enjoy!
What Are Your Favorites
Fast Food Place:
Board or Card Game:
Don’t engage in this activity unless you’re willing to really listen. Others will quickly notice if your hurried or insincere. Look for natural opportunities to ask throughout the day. Your co-workers will probably forget that you gathered these favorites. I’ve had fun getting someone their favorite candy and them wondering how I knew it was their preference. I’ve found that even people who dislike me enjoy conversation about their interests. Use this tool to transform your relationships at work and in life.
“Become genuinely interested in other people” – Dale Carnegie
Question: If you could ask a stranger only 1 question about a “favorite”, what question would you you ask? Why?