Nobody can succeed and thrive in life without loving relationships. We are not fueled long term by achievement. We are fueled and motivated long term when we connect deeply with others.
If you get this backwards, you’ll feel worthless when you fail, life stops going well, or others achieve more. Furthermore, you’ll end up miserable as a victim of the comparison trap.
Very few people feel deeply worthy of love. Both your friends and your enemies, if they’re honest with themselves, struggle with feeling inadequate. People desperately want to feel accepted, and you can help them by cultivating the habit of expressing genuine interest in their lives. You CAN be a light!
“Find your voice and inspire others to find theirs.” – Stephen Covey
Challenge yourself to collect information on the “favorites” of your friends, family, and co-workers. When you subtly, or even bluntly, gather this information, it makes them feel valued. It also gives you insight into how to encourage them in the future.
I’ve found that most people light up when someone is curious about them. Most people want to be known, not anonymous.
Some things that I love to know about pretty much anyone are ……..
- What’s a hidden talent that you have?
- Where you grew up?
- What are your hobbies and interests?
- Favorite musicians and bands?
- Favorite foods, snacks, pop?
Click the button below for a worksheet I’ve used to help clients get to know themselves. Why am I using a self-reflection activity in an article on building relationships? Because you can use the same questions to create or deepen connection with others! It turns out relationships – whether with yourself or others – come from taking action to know more about a person. You can only go as deep with someone else as you have with yourself.
Don’t engage in this activity unless you’re willing to listen. People will notice if you’re hurried or insincere. Look for natural opportunities to ask.
“Don’t give to get. Give to inspire others to give.” – Simon Sinek
Your co-workers will probably forget that you gathered these favorites. I’ve had fun getting someone their favorite candy and them wondering how I knew they liked it.
Even people who dislike me enjoy conversation about their interests. Use this tool to transform your relationships at work and in life.
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