How to Take Emotional Risks and Build Confidence

In seventh grade, on the last day of school, a kid kept pushing me hard from behind. I asked him to stop several times, but he refused. 

I finally told myself, “If he does that again, I’m spitting in his face.” When he pushed me again, that is exactly what I did.

I am not recommending that response, but I learned something important that day: taking decisive action can change how you see yourself. I left for the summer believing I could stand up for myself and handle difficult situations. I want you to experience that same kind of victory in your own life.

When I was 21, I had a crush on a young lady who lived in a sorority house a few doors down from my fraternity. On Valentine’s Day in 1995, I took a risk. I asked several of the pledges in my fraternity to deliver a rose from me to her during her sorority during her sorority dinner.

According to the pledges, she loved it. She smiled, blushed, and seemed genuinely excited. Later, she called to thank me. She also told me she had an out-of-town boyfriend, but said she would still enjoy getting coffee.

I felt somewhat rejected, but I also felt proud. I had taken a risk, faced a fear, and grown.

I have learned that confidence comes after taking the risk, not before it. In this episode of the Decide Your Legacy podcast, I share five practical ways to build self-confidence and explain why facing discomfort, failure, and rejection makes you stronger.

Most of us work hard to avoid painful emotions like rejection and embarrassment. When we've been hurt in the past, our minds try to protect us by warning us away from situations where we could get hurt again.

The problem is that an anxious mind often confuses avoidance with safety. It tells us not to speak up, reach out, take the risk, or try something new. Avoidance may bring temporary relief, but over time it increases anxiety and keeps us stuck. Avoidance gives anxiety more power.

Both of the above situations were scary to face, but they were also positive and energizing. I took action instead of believing the fearful thoughts running through my mind.

Emotional Risk and Vulnerability 

Taking an emotional risk means doing something that could leave you uncomfortable, vulnerable, embarrassed, or rejected. It usually involves moving toward something important when you cannot control the outcome.

The anxiety you feel may be signaling that there is something worth facing. On the other side of that fear, there may be growth, confidence, and greater freedom.

Ask yourself these three questions. If you answer yes to all three, the action is probably emotionally vulnerable and worth seriously considering:

1. Am I about to do something I do not feel completely prepared for, but I believe it is important for my growth?
2. Is there a chance I could feel embarrassed, rejected, or judged?
3. Is my fear connected to a negative core belief I have about myself?

Beliefs That Keep Us from Taking Emotional Risks

• “If I ask for help, I will become a burden.”
• “If they reject me, my entire day or weekend will be ruined.”
• “They do not want to be inconvenienced by me.”
• “It has been too long since we talked, and they probably have other friends now.”
• “If they reject me, I will not be able to handle it.”

Which of these beliefs sounds most familiar to you? Write it down, question whether it is actually true, and choose one small action you can take despite it. You do not have to eliminate the fear before acting. You simply need to stop letting fear make every decision for you.

Confidence is built through evidence. Each time you speak up, reach out, ask for help, risk rejection, or try something difficult, you prove that fear does not have to control you. Start with one emotional risk and take it today.

Build the Confidence to Take the Risk

Confidence does not grow by waiting until you feel ready. It grows when you face fear, risk discomfort, and take courageous action even when you cannot control the outcome.

Shatterproof Yourself Lite gives you 7 practical steps to help you reduce anxiety, build confidence, and move toward the life, relationships, and opportunities you really want.

Start Shatterproof Yourself Lite for $47

Related Content

18 Ways to Build Self-Confidence by Adam Gragg

7 Unexpected Benefits of Being Brave by Adam Gragg

Action Beats Anxiety: 10 Scary Actions to Build Confidence by Adam Gragg

Overcoming the Fear of Rejection by Adam Gragg