3 Keys to Lowering Anxiety

In 1998, I was on a flight with severe turbulence. What probably lasted fifteen minutes felt like hours. When it was over, I assumed I was fine. I wasn’t.

A few months later, I had another trip scheduled. Flying had always been exciting—something I genuinely enjoyed. This time, the excitement was gone. In its place was anxiety. My mind fixated on how to avoid the flight altogether. Without realizing it, I was reinforcing the very thing I feared. The more I tried to escape flying, the stronger the anxiety became.

That’s what anxiety does. It quietly steals joy, freedom, and opportunity. It robs us of fully living our lives. Anxiety is a thief of time—and it should be treated like the enemy it is.

3 Ways We Feed Our Anxiety

#1. Ambiguity

We keep the problem vague, fuzzy, and undefined. Sometimes we won’t even admit the real issue exists, so we shift our focus to something safer or more comfortable. But clarity is always the first step toward change. You can’t solve what you won’t name. Write down exactly what you’re worried about—the specific issue you need to face.

#2. Worst Outcome 

Anxiety thrives on worst-case scenarios. Its job is to keep you safe by scanning for danger, but it often overdoes it. Your mind fills with thoughts like, “She’ll leave me,” “He’ll laugh at my idea,” “I’ll get fired,” “I’ll get sick,” “The plane will crash,” or “We’re going to lose everything.” There’s an endless supply of frightening possibilities—most of which will never happen.

#3. Avoidance

Avoidance is anxiety’s favorite fuel. When we dodge problems instead of addressing them directly, anxiety grows stronger. We make excuses, delay decisions, and resist getting help or taking the actions we know would actually bring relief. I’ve worked with clients who avoided opening their mail for years just to escape facing financial reality. Avoidance feels safer in the moment—but it always makes the problem worse.

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How I Fed My Fear of Flying

• I lived in denial that I had a problem. I told myself that I was weak. My embarrassment led to my problem staying fuzzy. (Ambiguity)
• I told myself that my next flight would be just as bad or worse, and I convinced myself that next time I would have a panic attack. (worst outcome)
• I did whatever I could to avoid flying. I avoided asking for help or helping myself. (avoidance)

"I never worry about action, but only inaction" – Winston Churchill

3 Ways to Lower Anxiety

#1. Clarify The Core Issue

I don’t pretend this isn’t something I need to stay aware of. I’ve been open with friends and family about my anxiety instead of hiding it. Over time, that honesty took away its power. Today, I don’t fear flying. I actually enjoy traveling—and I’m able to relax and be present on flights.

#2. Focus on the Best Likely Outcome

I stopped rehearsing worst-case scenarios and began focusing on the most likely outcome: a safe, routine flight. I direct my attention to what I’m moving toward—the experiences waiting for me, the memories I’ll make, and even the simple enjoyment of good conversations on the plane.

#3. Engagement

Instead of avoiding flying, I leaned into understanding it. I researched aviation, talked with pilots, and read Flying Without Fear. Counselor friends helped me develop practical tools for managing anxiety. A friend of mine, Nate—a pilot—flew me from Wichita to Branson in a small Cessna, which completely changed my perspective. I also worked with a therapist and uncovered root issues I didn’t even know were driving my anxiety.

A poem my mom gave me has been on my wall for 25 years. It’s helped ground me during anxious moments, and I hope it does the same for you.

LOOK TO THIS DAY

"Look to this day!
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence;
The bliss of growth
The glory of action
The splendor of beauty
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow is a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day!
Such is the salutation to the dawn."

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