Motion Over Perfection: Escaping the Perfectionism Trap

I collect 7Up bottles.

Not because I'm nostalgic for the soda. I collect them because they remind me of a number: seven. When I work with coaching clients, I hand them a 7Up bottle at graduation. It's a small thing, but it carries a big message: aim for a seven, not a ten. Let go of the pressure to be perfect in every area of your life, and instead ask yourself what's actually good enough.

I need that reminder as much as anyone.

Last week, I had a speaking event lined up, and the night before, I barely slept. Two to three hours, maybe less. My mind wouldn't shut off. I kept running through every possible way I could mess it up, kept picturing the audience judging me if it wasn't perfect. By the morning of the event, I was seriously considering cancelling. I felt like I was walking into guaranteed failure simply because I hadn't slept.

But I didn't cancel. I stepped on stage and made a decision to let go, to aim for a seven instead of a ten. And here's what happened: I actually enjoyed the experience. I shared content I believe can genuinely help people. I made some incredible connections in the room. And afterward, I had a great conversation with Nick, one of my team members, reflecting on how it went.

None of that would have happened if I'd let perfectionism win the night before.

That's the trap. Perfectionism convinces you that unless everything lines up flawlessly, you're set up to fail. But the truth is almost the opposite: the moment you let go of "ten" and give yourself permission for "seven," you free yourself up to actually show up, connect, and do good work.

Here's the good news: you don't have to get things perfect. You just need to be willing to move forward.

The Real Cost of Perfectionism

Before we get into the fix, let's count the cost. Perfectionism impacts:

• Your health
• Your relationships
• Your business progress
• Your financial situation
• Your friendships

And if you're sitting there thinking, "I'm not really a perfectionist," ask yourself this instead: Do you procrastinate? Do you hesitate? Do you avoid doing things you wish you'd do, and then regret it later? Perfectionism might be the root cause. In fact, perfectionism and procrastination are basically ugly twin sisters.

So let's talk about three truths that can help you fight it.

Truth #1: Perfectionism Doesn't Make You Better, It Makes You Worse

There's a lie most of us believe: if I just keep trying harder, refining, editing, pushing, it'll eventually get better. But the truth is the opposite. Perfectionism makes you, and your performance, worse.

It doesn't make you a bad person. But it feeds anxiety, and anxiety is the enemy of creativity, connection, and teamwork. Anxiety pulls you away from trusting yourself and pushes you toward controlling everything around you instead.

I'll be honest: I've procrastinated on work, on content, on decisions, a lot of it rooted in fear of failure and fear of being judged. But here's the flaw in that thinking: when I'm being perfectionistic, I'm measuring myself against some standard, assuming that if I don't hit "excellent," it won't be good enough for other people. Flip that around, and what I'm really doing is assuming they'll judge me the way I judge myself. I'm just reading minds that were never asking to be read.

And here's the kicker, perfectionism doesn't bring people closer. It pushes them away. When you're constantly analyzing and judging, people sense it, and they see you as someone who isn't safe to be around. You lose your sense of humor. You lose your ability to relax. You miss out on connection because people keep their distance.

Try this: Break your life into seven areas: spiritual, friends and family, health and self-care, social and fun, intellectual, career, and financial. It's fine to invest in all of them. But ask yourself: can I be satisfied with a seven in each one? Define what "good enough" actually looks like. That's what frees you up to pour real energy into what matters most.

Truth #2: Perfectionism Is Rooted in Comparison

Credit where it's due, my assistant coach Kelsey pointed this one out to me. Perfectionism is almost always rooted in social comparison.

We measure our lives against a standard that was never accurate to begin with. Other people's businesses, marriages, parenting, health journeys, family dynamics, none of it is apples to apples. We don't see their full history. We don't see what's happening behind closed doors. We're comparing ourselves to a story we've built in our own heads, not to reality.

I'll admit it's easy for me to spot other people's weaknesses just to feel better about myself. But all that does is make me more perfectionistic, and honestly, a less pleasant person to be around.

Try this: Start noticing when you compare. What situations trigger it? Scrolling social media? Watching other families at church? Certain work moments where you feel pressure to measure up? When you catch yourself thinking "I should be doing this," or "I'm not good enough," or "they had it easier than me," name it out loud: "I'm in the comparison trap right now, and it's feeding my anxiety." Naming it is the first step to breaking it. Growth stops being about beating someone else's scoreboard and starts being about your own.

Truth #3: The Real Fix Is Taking Action, Even If You Fail

This one's the hardest truth of the three.

I was recently in a meeting with a group of business owners talking about workplace events. One of them admitted they struggle to act without first getting permission or validation from the other owners, they're terrified of messing something up. The problem? They're an executive whose job is literally to make decisions and move things forward.

So I asked the other owners a simple question: "What would happen if they messed it up?"

Their answer: "We'd move on. We'd learn. We'd grow. But at least there was action."

That's the fix. Take action, and be willing to fail. Every high performer you compare yourself to didn't start out polished, they made mistakes, had real failures, and kept going. I know I have, and honestly, I'm still failing, because I'm still growing and still trying new things.

Case in point: last Thursday I spoke at a state SHRM conference. The night before, I barely slept, two to three hours, according to my Oura ring. And it wasn't because the stakes were unusually high; I've spoken to bigger, higher-pressure crowds before. It was because I was comparing myself to speakers who "have it all together," desperate not to fail, stuck in the trap of thinking, "if I just get this exactly right, it'll finally be good enough." It was miserable.

Once I was actually in front of the 70 to 85 person crowd, I still felt anxious, like I always do. But I was able to let go, helped along by someone who encouraged me right beforehand, and by trusting the content I knew well. The real issue wasn't preparation. It was that I wasn't trusting myself.

The Bottom Line

If you want to loosen perfectionism's grip on your life, hold onto these three truths:

1. It won't make you better. Let go of it, and fight it.
2. It's rooted in comparison, which is faulty, not fact-based, and not reality.
3. The fix is action. You only get one life. Why not make some mistakes, learn, and try something new?

So here's your challenge: What's one insight from this that you can act on today? Make a commitment right now to take some kind of action before the day ends. And share what you learned with someone else, teaching it helps it stick, and writing down your commitment helps it stick even more.

As I always say: make it your mission to live the life now that you want to be remembered for 10 years after you're gone. You decide your legacy. Nobody else does.