The Perfectionism Trap: Why "Make It a 7" Will Change Your Life

You've rewritten the email four times. The presentation has been "almost ready" for two weeks. There's a decision you keep circling because you can't be sure you'll get it exactly right.

If that sounds familiar, you're not lazy, and you're not broken. You may be dealing with perfectionism, and it's often anxiety wearing a different outfit.

Here's the good news: you don't have to get it perfect. You just have to be willing to move. That's why I tell the people I coach to make it a 7.

What a 7 Actually Looks Like

A 7 is not sloppy. It's not careless. A 7 is done well enough to do its job and ready for real feedback.

Here's my working definition:

• It does what it needs to do.
• It's clear and honest.
• It's ready for someone else to see.

A 10 email gets rewritten five times, sits in drafts overnight, and still feels wrong. A 7 email has a clear ask and a kind tone, and it gets sent.

A 10 talk is memorized word for word and delivered with fear. A 7 talk is prepared well, trusted, and delivered with you actually in the room.

"But isn't a 7 just settling?" No. A 7 that ships teaches you more than a 10 that never leaves your desk. Feedback and momentum are what raise quality, not another round of solo tweaking. And you can still aim for a 9 or 10 on the things that matter most. The difference is that you choose it on purpose instead of demanding it everywhere.

The Real Cost of Perfectionism

Before we get into the fix, let's count the cost. Perfectionism impacts:

• Your health
• Your relationships
• Your business progress
• Your financial situation
• Your friendships

And if you're sitting there thinking, "I'm not really a perfectionist," ask yourself this instead: Do you procrastinate? Do you hesitate? Do you avoid doing things you wish you'd do, and then regret it later? Perfectionism might be the root cause. In fact, perfectionism and procrastination often travel together.

Do you find yourself being critical of people, or constantly comparing yourself to what everyone else seems to be doing? That's not just a personality quirk. It's often perfectionism at work.

So let's talk about three truths that can help you fight it.

Truth #1: Perfectionism Doesn't Make You Better, It Holds You Back

There's a lie most of us believe: if I just keep trying harder, refining, editing, pushing, it'll eventually get better. But past a certain point, the opposite is true. More polish doesn't improve your performance. It drains it.

Let's be clear about the difference. High standards are a good thing. They pull you toward excellence. Perfectionism is the demand that everything be flawless, and it runs on fear.

It doesn't make you a bad person. But it feeds anxiety, and anxiety is the enemy of creativity, connection, and teamwork. Anxiety pulls you away from trusting yourself and pushes you toward controlling everything around you instead.

I'll be honest: I've procrastinated on work, on content, on decisions, a lot of it rooted in fear of failure and fear of being judged. But here's the flaw in that thinking: when I'm being perfectionistic, I'm measuring myself against some standard, assuming that if I don't hit "excellent," it won't be good enough for other people. Flip that around, and what I'm really doing is assuming they'll judge me the way I judge myself. I'm just reading minds that were never asking to be read.

And here's the kicker: perfectionism doesn't bring people closer. It pushes them away. When you're constantly analyzing and judging, people sense it, and they see you as someone who isn't safe to be around. You lose your sense of humor. You lose your ability to relax. You miss out on connection because people keep their distance.

Try this right now: Look at these seven areas of life:

• Spiritual
• Friends and family
• Health and self-care
• Social and fun
• Intellectual
• Career
• Financial

Pick the one where you feel most like you're falling short. Write one sentence about what a 7 would look like there. That's it.

Want to go deeper? Download the Make It a 7 Worksheet. You'll score all seven areas, define your 7 in each one, and challenge the fears that keep you rigid. 

Truth #2: Perfectionism Is Often Rooted in Comparison

Credit where it's due, my executive assistant, Kelsey, pointed this one out to me. Perfectionism is often rooted in social comparison.

We measure our lives against a standard that was never accurate to begin with. Other people's businesses, marriages, parenting, health journeys, family dynamics, none of it is apples to apples. We don't see their full history. We don't see what's happening behind closed doors. We're comparing ourselves to a story we've built in our own heads, not to reality.

I'll admit it's easy for me to spot other people's weaknesses just to feel better about myself. But all that does is make me more perfectionistic, and honestly, a less pleasant person to be around.

Try this: Start noticing when you compare. What situations trigger it? Scrolling social media? Watching other families at church? Certain work moments where you feel pressure to measure up? When you catch yourself thinking "I should be doing this," or "I'm not good enough," or "they had it easier than me," name it out loud: "I'm in the comparison trap right now, and it's feeding my anxiety." Naming it is the first step to breaking it. Growth stops being about beating someone else's scoreboard and starts being about your own.

Truth #3: The Real Fix Is Taking Action, Even If You Fail

This one's the hardest truth of the three.

I was recently in a meeting with a group of business owners talking about workplace events. One of them admitted they struggle to act without first getting permission or validation from the other owners, because they're terrified of messing something up. The problem? They're an executive whose job is literally to make decisions and move things forward.

So I asked the other owners a simple question: "What would happen if they messed it up?"

Their answer: "We'd move on. We'd learn. We'd grow. But at least there was action."

That's the fix. Take action, and be willing to fail. Every high performer you compare yourself to didn't start out polished. They made mistakes, had real failures, and kept going. I know I have, and honestly, I'm still failing, because I'm still growing and still trying new things.

Case in point: recently I spoke at a state SHRM conference. The night before, I barely slept, two to three hours, according to my Oura ring. And it wasn't because the stakes were unusually high; I've spoken to bigger, higher-pressure crowds before. It was because I was comparing myself to speakers who "have it all together," desperate not to fail, stuck in the trap of thinking, "If I just get this exactly right, it'll finally be good enough." It was miserable.

Once I was actually in front of the 70 to 85 people in the room, I still felt anxious, like I always do. But I was able to let go, helped along by someone who encouraged me right beforehand, and by trusting the content I knew well. The real issue wasn't preparation. It was that I wasn't trusting myself.

Try this: Pick one thing you've been holding onto: an email, a decision, a piece of content, a conversation. Ask yourself, "What would a 7 look like?" Write it in one sentence. Then finish it today. Send it, post it, decide it. Once it's done, tell one person what you did. Motion over perfection, every time.

The Bottom Line

If you want to loosen perfectionism's grip on your life, hold onto these three truths:

• It won't make you better. Past a certain point, more polish costs more than it gives.
• It's rooted in comparison. And comparison is faulty, not fact-based, and not reality.
• The fix is action. You only get one life. Why not make some mistakes, learn, and try something new?

So here's your challenge: What's one insight from this that you can act on today? Make a commitment right now to take some kind of action before the day ends. And share what you learned with someone else. Teaching it helps it stick, and writing down your commitment helps it stick even more.

Live the life TODAY you want to be remembered for 10 years after you're gone. You decide your legacy. Nobody else does.

Take the next step. 

Buy The Legacy Jar and get 100+ more questions that go deeper to strengthen your relationships more. BONUS: We've included our Shatterproof Yourself Lite course with 7 steps to better mental health.

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