10 Ways to Encourage People You Care About

relationships & communication Aug 26, 2025

Most people make one big relationship mistake, both personally and professionally: they invalidate others without realizing it.

It can be subtle, like eye rolls, sighing, interrupting, criticizing, distancing, or dismissing someone with phrases like “that’s silly” or “that’s stupid.” Over time, those small moments can make people feel unseen, unimportant, or unsafe around us.

Learning to validate others can transform your relationships. When you validate someone, you are not agreeing with everything they say. You are communicating that their thoughts, feelings, and experiences matter.

Encouragement is one of the simplest ways to show people their value. I talk more about the power of encouragement in this episode of the Decide Your Legacy podcast:

10 Ways to Show People Their Value

1. Do Not Be Critical

Don't be a complainer. Have conversations about what is going right and the potential life has to offer. People WILL be drawn to you! You'll become attractive like never before. Gratitude, the Daily 5 & 5, and Clarifying a Vision for Your Future

2. Do Not Make it About You

Make it about them, and help them reach their goals. Withhold sharing about how you feel and make it about how they feel. If you're hurt in some way, save that information for an assertive conversation at a later time.

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Encouraging people well takes courage, especially when you need to listen, validate, apologize, or make the conversation less about you.

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3. Use Their First Name Often

A person's first name, to them, is the most beautiful word in their native language. If you're a parent, then "mom/mommy" and "dad/daddy" from your children rival this beauty.

4. Show Interest in Your Body Language

Show interest even if you are not, because you are interested in people you care about. Examples: saying "That's interesting", "Wow", "Amazing", etc. My daughter is interested in the fine arts (drama & music), and I'm a sports guy. Because I care about her, I try and express positive body language when she talks about this passion. Interestingly, my interest in the fine arts has grown significantly in the process.

5. Say It Makes Sense to Me You Feel That Way.

Even if most of it doesn't make sense, some small aspects WILL make sense to you. Hold onto that. For example, my daughter told me I chomp my gum and I don't think I do. I told her "It makes sense to me that people do things that annoy you."

6. Apologize, When Wrong

When you mess up, humbly say, I was wrong, no excuses. Don't say anything else besides that. Don't react if they respond to your apology in anger.

Take the next step.

Stronger relationships are built through small, courageous actions.

If you want to become more confident, less anxious, and more willing to encourage, apologize, ask better questions, and move toward the people who matter most, go through Shatterproof Yourself Lite. In 7 small steps, you’ll learn how to face fear, build confidence, and take action in your life and relationships.

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7. Name Their Emotion

Use phrases like I can tell, I sense, and "You seem.....". Examples: I can tell this is bothering you.. It seems that you're excited about our trip this weekend.. and I can tell doing a great job on this project is super important to you.

8. Ask Questions

Say: Tell me more about that, That's very interesting.. Use open-ended what and how questions as much as possible. Learn more in my article My 20 Favorite Questions to Ask Clients.

9. Love Them The Way They Want

A recent client told me he loves physical touch from his wife and his wife likes words of affirmation. He doesn't give it to her because expressing appreciation toward her feels awkward. I told him, "You're making a big mistake here", and challenged him to love her the way she wants to be loved, not in ways that feel most comfortable.

10. Paraphrase/Summarize

Say: If I understand you correctly. or So here is my understanding of what you are saying. then paraphrase or summarize what you heard. They can then clarify anything missing or inaccurate. Check out my speaker & listener bookmark to learn more.