How To Be Emotionally Healthy
Mar 17, 2026
I’m a middle child from a loud and emotionally expressive family. Growing up, almost everyone expressed how they felt except me. I decided at a young age to hide my feelings and live inside my head. It was not a strategy I would recommend.
That line hits home for me because living in my head became one of the main ways I tried to avoid what I felt.
From age 16 to 22, I used unhealthy coping mechanisms to numb, manage, and try to control what I felt. For me, that included worry, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, social isolation, and staying constantly distracted.
I also tended to live at the extremes. I would get consumed by whatever had my attention at the time, whether it was fraternity life, religion, exercise, work, or something else. Some of those coping patterns are still temptations I have to watch for today.
But there is hope. The healthier you become emotionally, the better your life gets. I know that from research, but I also know it from personal experience.
I also talk through why emotional health matters and how to stop stuffing what you feel in this episode of the Decide Your Legacy podcast:
The Damage of Stuffing Your Emotions
- You don't get to experience the full range of emotions (e.g., joy, excitement).
- It leads to loneliness and the feeling that nobody understands you or what you're going through.
- You become stuck in anxiety and depression.
- You won't know yourself well, hindering your life direction.
- People will struggle to trust you because they'll view you as guarded.
- Your relationships stay at the surface level rather than growing deep.
- You'll get uncomfortable with other people's emotions and therefore push them away.
Ready to stop stuffing what you feel?
Becoming emotionally healthy takes more than insight. It takes courage to face what you feel, tell yourself the truth, and take action instead of hiding or numbing.
Shatterproof Yourself Lite gives you 7 small steps to help you reduce anxiety, build confidence, and take courageous action in your life and relationships.
4 Tools for Becoming Emotionally Healthy
Tool #1. Identify Your Emotional Experiences
A couple of times each day, write what emotions you've experienced recently. Then answer 3 questions about each feeling.
Question 1. What am I feeling? Write down the feeling, positive or negative.
Question 2. Why am I feeling this way, or what happened that caused this feeling?
Question 3. What am I learning about myself, or what insight have I gained because of this emotional experience?
Download the 40 Emotions and Definitions PDF
If you want to get better at identifying what you feel, this simple guide can help. Download the free PDF with 40 common emotions and clear definitions so you can name what is happening inside you more honestly and accurately.
Tool #2. Communicate How You Feel
Express some of these feelings with friends, family, or co-workers. This can be done verbally or in writing (text, email, card, etc.). You can share your answers to the above questions. It might feel awkward at first, but if your motive is simply to be more open and emotionally healthier, that will help you get past the fear. Don't let how you think others might respond to your openness keep you from sharing.
One huge benefit to being emotionally open is that people will view you as safer because you're no longer a mystery.
Being emotionally open also improves your leadership capacity. According to Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, emotionally smart people have 5 traits that make them better leaders.
Tool #3. Increase Your Emotional Vocabulary
Practice identifying feelings you notice in yourself and in others. Expand your emotional vocabulary by studying the definitions of different emotions. This Decide Your Legacy Emotions Bookmark and the feelings wheel below are excellent resources.
“The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”
— Tony Robbins
That is why emotional health matters so much. When you are honest about what you feel, you become more available, more grounded, and more connected to the people who matter most.
Tool #4. Chart Your Emotional Experiences
For any given period of time, identify the frequency you've felt a specific emotion and the frequency you've expressed that same emotion. You may discover that you rarely share certain feelings. Increase your sharing (verbally and nonverbally) of the emotions you rarely express yet often feel.
Increasing your emotional intelligence takes practice. Try engaging in one of the above exercises each day. It is a helpful book on the topic, too. In my next post, I will share 2 more tools to increase your emotional intelligence.
Take the next step.
Emotional health grows when you stop avoiding what is happening inside you and start taking courageous action.
If this article helped you see something you need to face, Shatterproof Yourself Lite can help you take the next step. In 7 small steps, you’ll learn how to face fear, reduce anxiety, build confidence, and move toward the kind of life and relationships you actually want.
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What to Do When Emotionally Overwhelmed (post) by Adam Gragg
Take Risks Frequently (post) by Adam Gragg
30 Happiness Building Actions (post) by Adam Gragg
Why You Must Face Your Past (post) by Adam Gragg
