7 Strategies to Break Old Family Patterns and Build Better Relationships

Last Christmas, we took a pottery class together as a family, and it turned out to be a great experience. There was some hesitation—and even a bit of anxiety, myself included—but by the end, everyone was glad they gave it a try. We also made struffoli, an Italian cookie, and a family favorite. 

You may look forward to time with friends and family, only to fall back into old communication patterns. Change takes intentional effort.

These 7 strategies will help you enjoy deeper connections with friends, family, and coworkers. 

7 Strategies to Break Old Communication Patterns

Strategy #1: Do Something New (Take a Risk)

If you resist change, own it—and choose differently. Don’t let discomfort or fear call the shots. Try something new: play a different game, watch a new movie, go bowling, invite someone unexpected to dinner, or switch up a favorite recipe. Take action. Mix it up.

Strategy #2: Focus on the Opportunity

When it’s easy to fixate on flaws, challenge yourself to name three admirable qualities instead. Shift your focus from what could go wrong to what could go right—and notice how your thinking changes.

Strategy #3: Be a Listener

Great listening means understanding what someone said to the point where you can paraphrase it back to them. People feel cared for when they’re heard. 

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Strategy #4: Lower Your Expectations

I’m a recovering perfectionist. Years ago, I started collecting old 7-Up bottles from the 1950s–1970s as a reminder that it’s okay to aim for a 7 out of 10. “Not perfect, but it’s going well” is often more than enough. After a family gathering, be satisfied if it was a 7. Progress beats perfection. (I even created a short eBook, 12 Life Balance Tips, to help reinforce this mindset.)

Strategy #5: Be Curious

Try this challenge: share nothing about yourself unless you’re asked. Spend the event learning about others. Ask thoughtful questions about their hobbies, work, kids, neighbors—anything they enjoy talking about. Come prepared with genuine curiosity. People feel seen when you do this. These 50 Great Relationship-Building Questions will help you initiate conversations.

Strategy #6: Have an Agenda—With Flexibility

Ever sat through a meeting with no agenda? It usually feels chaotic or pointless. People need structure. Have a loose plan, invite input, and stay flexible—but keep everyone generally informed about what’s coming next.

Strategy #7: Ask for Help

When you genuinely ask for help, people feel needed and valued. Relationships grow stronger when everyone’s strengths are utilized. Asking for help isn’t weakness—it’s connection-building.

Time with friends and family is a chance to grow. When you choose healthier ways of relating instead of old habits, you build patterns that can strengthen relationships for years to come.

If this was helpful, SUBSCRIBE TODAY and get instant access to my free video and worksheet: Shatterproof Yourself — 7 Small Steps to a Giant Leap in Your Confidence.

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