When Your Perspective Is Flawed, Change It—That’s Where Growth Begins

In fifth grade, I had a tough experience that stuck with me. In front of a packed lunchroom, my school principal, Sister Katherine, scolded and intentionally embarrassed me, accusing me of causing chaos—including dancing on a table. None of it was true.

She then pulled me into her office, where she and her vice principal berated me. I cried uncontrollably. I was ten years old, confused, and completely innocent. I was a sensitive kid—quiet, compliant, and rarely in trouble—so the accusation hit hard.

I didn’t tell my parents until years later. When I finally did, I learned the truth: I had been targeted in retaliation for a complaint they’d made about my brother’s first-grade teacher. My sister—an eighth grader at the time—was targeted too, being falsely accused of cheating.

Adam in 5th grade at St. Mels Catholic School. 1984

I rarely thought about this incident until a friend asked me about traumatic memories—and this one surfaced immediately. It was a painful experience I had tucked away, unconsciously believing that burying it would protect me from ever being hurt like that again. Instead, it quietly shaped my ability to trust authority.

This article will help you understand how trauma can impact your self-perception and worldview. More importantly, I hope it encourages you to do the work of challenging and changing unhealthy mindsets.

Below are 30 common negative perspectives. For each one, ask yourself—twice: Is this how I view myself? Is this how I view the world?

30 Common Damaging Mindsets

1. "Things will never get better."
2. "I'm a victim of my circumstances."
3. "I must be almost perfect in whatever I do."
4. "I need people's approval to be OK with myself."
5. "I am worthless/broken because of my past mistakes/failures/trauma."
6. "My value comes from my performance plus the opinions of others."
7. "It is better to avoid life's difficulties than to face them."
8. "Conflict leads to damage & erosion of my relationships."
9. "I should have achieved much more by now."
10. "I'm a failure."
11. "If I try new things and don't succeed, people will view me negatively."
12. "I'm awkward."
13. "I'm not smart enough."
14. "I'm too young and inexperienced to succeed."
15. "I'm unattractive. People are not drawn to me."

If this was helpful, SUBSCRIBE TODAY and get instant access to my free video and worksheet: Shatterproof Yourself — 7 Small Steps to a Giant Leap in Your Confidence.

16. "The worst results usually occur for me now or in the long run."
17. "It's usually my fault, especially when others are upset with me."
18. "People are not trustworthy."
19. "I don't deserve good things in life."
20. "I have nothing to offer."
21. "I'm not good enough (i.e., education, appearance, achievement, etc.)."
22. "I'm not safe. Something bad is going to happen."
23. "I'm all alone/I don't belong."
24. "I am responsible for the happiness of those closest to me."

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

25. "People will judge/reject me if I relax and they see the real me."
26. "If I relax and enjoy life, I will become lazy & unmotivated."
27. "I will never have close, loyal friends."
28. "I will never have a long-term romantic connection."
29. "Having fun and enjoying hobbies is unproductive and leads to failure."
30. "I cannot change (i.e., too old, hurt too many people, etc.)."

6 Questions to Replace Your Damaging Mindsets

These questions are adapted from Byron Katie’s self-inquiry process, known as The Work.

1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely 100% know this fear & worry is true?
3. How do I react? What do I do when I believe this is true?
4. Who would I be, and how would I react without this thought?
5. What's a new, accurate, and hopeful perspective?
6. What action can I take to apply this new healthy perspective?

Understanding why this perspective formed—whether from childhood experiences, trauma, or past failures—is also helpful, and can be challenging.

"I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." - Mark Twain

A client once told me he regularly thought, “I’m a failure.” Because of mistakes he’d made, he believed his future was doomed. That belief fueled years of anxiety and quietly held him back.

With intention and effort, he learned to replace “I’m a failure” with “I’ve grown through my mistakes.” By consistently returning to this new perspective, he regained confidence—and ultimately turned his career around.

Changing negative mindsets is hard work, but you can do it. The results you get in life are directly tied to what you focus on. When you commit to doing the work, your life changes.

Related Content

Coping with Anxiety (post) by Adam Gragg
How to Be Grateful When Life Is Hard (post) by Adam Gragg
What to Do When Emotionally Overwhelmed (post) by Adam Gragg
A Simple and Powerful Stress Coping Tool (post) by Adam Gragg
Overcome Worry & Get Out of Your Head (post) by Adam Gragg