14 Marriage Mistakes That Can Lead to Divorce (& How to Avoid Them)

relationships & communication Jul 16, 2026

Divorce Often Starts Here: 14 Common Pitfalls to Avoid

The healthiest couples are not perfect. They are self-aware. They are willing to look honestly at themselves, accept feedback, repair quickly, and make changes before small issues become major problems.

After more than 25 years as a family therapist, I’ve watched the same core issues quietly erode marriages when they go unaddressed. Most couples do not drift apart because of one huge mistake. They drift because patterns of avoidance, resentment, criticism, poor boundaries, disconnection, and poor conflict resolution slowly become normal.

The good news is that many of these problems can change when couples slow down, tell the truth, take ownership, learn healthier conflict resolution skills, and make needed adjustments.

I also talk through practical conflict resolution tools in this episode of the Decide Your Legacy podcast:

14 Marriage Mistakes That Can Lead to Divorce

1. Not Addressing Core Issues

Avoiding a problem doesn't make it go away (e.g., feeling neglected, lack of intimacy, etc). Avoidance causes more anxiety, and addressing issues brings relief eventually. Share how you feel! Say what you mean, but don't say it meanly.

2. Smothering Each Other

You both need close friendships outside of each other. Encourage each other to build strong bonds with other good people. Insecurity hurts relationships. You can work on your confidence.

3. No Goals & Vision

Intentionally create the future you want, or it won't happen. The healthiest couples decide what they want their lives to be like in 5, 10, and 20 years. They create a vision together. They work towards goals together.

4. Avoiding Your Past

Don't live in the past, but don't live in denial of its impact on your current functioning. If you don't work through your past, it will impact your relationship today. Learn to accept what's happened, come to terms with it, and transform it into a way to help others.

5. Expecting Too Much From Each Other

Expectations need to be realistic. If you expect your spouse to work full-time, fix everything that breaks, manage the finances, and cook every meal, you may be expecting too much. Ask yourself if your expectations of your spouse are realistic.

6. Staying Stuck in the Past

Only bring up the past when it directly relates to the conflict at hand. I've seen many relationships damaged because one spouse could not move past an already resolved issue. Choose to forgive and learn to intentionally let go.

7. Not Setting Limits

Don't be controlling and don't compromise your core values. Standing up to each other is uncomfortable and necessary. Learn to tolerate the discomfort of conflict.

8. Undermining Each Other

There are a number of healthy approaches to parenting. Compromise and agree on a parenting strategy together. Discuss disagreements away from your children.

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9. Not Engaging Everyone

Resentments build when people are left out of the discussions and decisions. Resentments build when both sides of the family aren't given attention. Making the effort is key.

10. Threatening Comments

Hanging out the threat of potential divorce is a recipe for disaster. Threatening to terminate a relationship. This leads to a lack of hope for helping relationships improve and is a recipe for disaster.

11. Listening to Anxiety

Don't make relationship decisions, or any decisions, out of fear. Anxiety tells us that bad things that happened in the past are going to repeat, and the worst outcome will become reality. Learn to replace anxiety with truth.

12. Not Standing Up

Don't allow your family or friends to mistreat your spouse. Allow influence, but don't be pressured or manipulated into doing things their way (e.g., money, spiritual beliefs, etc.). Make your own decisions as a couple.

13. Being Too Busy

Prioritize your marriage. Your kids, job, sports, church, and extended family are all important, but they should come second to your marriage. Protect your time together so divorce isn't a temptation. Plan a date and discuss some of these 50 Relationship-Building Questions.

14. Poor Boundaries with Others

Emotional affairs can start through initially innocent relationships that meet unmet needs. Agree on acceptable boundaries (social media, work lunches, etc.), and follow them as this builds trust. This protects your marriage from the distrust that can lead to divorce.

Take the next step.

Marriage grows stronger when you stop avoiding what needs to be faced.

If you want to become more confident, less anxious, and more willing to take courageous action in your relationships, go through Shatterproof Yourself Lite. In 7 small steps, you’ll learn how to face fear, build confidence, and move toward the marriage, relationships, and legacy you actually want.

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I hear many excuses from couples about why they cannot change, like "we're too busy" and "my husband's family is too negative to be around". Positive change is hard. Take these points to heart, and you'll avoid divorce down the road.