In seventh grade, on the last day of school, a classmate kept shoving me from behind during a school assembly. I asked him to stop—more than once—but he wouldn’t. I told myself, “If he does it one more time, I’ll take action and spit in his face,” and when he did, I followed through. Walking out for the summer that day, I felt different: I believed in my ability to stand up for myself.
At 21, I had a crush on a girl from a nearby sorority. On Valentine’s Day 1995, I sent her a rose during her dinner in front of everyone. She blushed, thanked me, and told me she had a boyfriend—but I still felt amazing. Why? Because I took a risk, faced a fear, and grew from it.
Most people do everything they can to avoid rejection, failure & embarrassment. Our past pain convinces us it’s safer to stay small. But both of those moments were scary and life-giving at the same time. I chose not to believe my mind’s lies—and I grew because of it.
When we avoid emotional risk, we also cut ourselves off from joy, excitement, and peace. This is a universal struggle—and it’s central to our emotional health. Growth happens when we face rejection or embarrassment and discover that we’re strong enough to handle it.
If you found this information helpful, SUBSCRIBE TODAY to access my free video & worksheet, Shatterproof Yourself Lite: 7 Small Steps to a Giant Leap in Your Confidence.
I often ask clients to take an emotional risk right in the middle of a session, and I’ve seen real transformation happen in those moments.
10 Scary Actions to Build Confidence and Overcome Fear
Directions: Mark the actions that would trigger the most fear/anxiety in you
- Write a top 10 article (your top 10 tips on a topic of expertise) and share it with friends and family asking for feedback.
- Volunteer or agree to speak at an event on a topic of expertise or interest.
- Text a friend you haven’t connected with recently, “thinking about you, how’s everything going?”
- Reach out to someone you’ve never met who seems alone somewhere and start a conversation.
- Go on a walk alone around your office or neighborhood but invite a coworker or neighbor to join you.
- Express disagreement with another person’s opinion calmly. Someone you don’t know well. For example, “I see things differently, and here’s why; tell me more about your thoughts here.” Here’s how to have a courageous conversation.
- Ask for help or advice from a neighbor or co-workers you’ve never reached out to before. For example, “Can you help me move my TV?” or “How do you set up a budget?”
- Genuinely compliment a stranger. For example, “I like your shirt, purse, hat, dog or smile, etc.”.
- Buy or make a gift for a neighbor or co-worker for their birthday or holiday.
- Make a list of your top 10 questions to ask people and start asking.
Take More Action
If you found this list of 10 actions helpful, I saved the best for my list of 27 actions.
I created a list of 27 “scary actions” you can try today. Download it, highlight the ones that make you nervous, and choose one to do right now—because growth begins the moment you act.
Related Content
18 Ways to Build Self-Confidence (post) – by Adam Gragg
Kickstart Your Self-Confidence (post) – by Adam Gragg
How to Like & Value Yourself (post) – by Adam Gragg
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