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Why You Should Deal with Your Past (Part 2)

3 More BIG Reasons to Go Back & Get Closure

By on Apr 25, 2019 in Blog, Life Balance, Relationships, Stress | 0 comments

You cannot erase your past, but you can change your perspective. You have influence over your attitude and actions today, not what happened yesterday. 

Some people will do almost anything to avoid addressing their past. Trying to go back and make sense of it all seems too painful. What they don’t understand is that not making peace with their past causes much more long term pain. Closure brings freedom.

3 More BIG Reasons to Go Back & Get Closure

Reason #4: To Not Be Weighed Down

Your bygones will be a drag if you don’t deal with them. They slow you down and keep you stuck. It’s like running a 2 mile race with a 100 pound backpack. Why would you want something slowing you down? Take off your back page through dealing with your stuff.

Reason #5: So You Can Live with Confidence

Life has a way of forcing everyone to deal with their core issues. Your junk keep coming back until it’s successfully laid to rest. People with unfinished business live with fear that everything will implode knowing subconsciously the stuff they’re avoiding will raise its head again. When you work through your pain, you rest in the present. 

Reason #6: So You Can Make Sense of It All

Your mind won’t rest until it comes to terms with what happened. Talking about your past with a friend or counselor can bring clarity and perspective. You’ll start to see how you’ve grown rather than been damaged. Talk about it, come to terms with it, and then you can let go of it. Acceptance is the answer. 

6 Things You Must Accept to Make Peace with Your Past

  1. The hurt (e.g. abandonment, assault, abuse, accident, death, molestation, ect.) you’ve experienced has wounded your heart.
  2. You’re worthy of love and acceptance despite going through this experience.
  3. Your trauma is different than others in scope and magnitude AND worthy of being addressed.
  4. Yes, there are people who will judge you, AND there are people who will love and accept you through your healing.
  5. There will be freedom eventually, after you courageously deal with your hurt.
  6. You must open up to others about what you have gone through, but only to those who love and accept you.

Activity #2: Life Lessons

If you completed the Life Timeline from Why You Should Deal With Your Past (Part 1), then you identified some hurts. Answer these 3 questions related to each event you’ve experienced.

1. What could you have done differently?
Example: Nothing. I was a victim, and therefore, really couldn’t have done anything to prevent what happened to me.

2. What did I learn from going through this experience?
Example: I learned that it was not my fault. I’ve seen myself as defective because of what happened, and I’m learning that’s not the truth.

3. How can I apply this lesson moving forward?
Example: I need to trust my intuition with trusting, or not trusting, other people.

Your past makes you beautiful not tainted. Doing the work of going back and getting closure is often the scariest, and most courageous, personal growth endeavor someone can engage. 

Ask a close friend or family member if they sense you have unfinished business. Those who love us often have more insight into our issues than we do. If they point something out, use that as motivation to get to work. It will be worth it!

Adam Gragg is a mental health professional and life coach. He specializes in life transitions, career issues, marriage and family counseling, and helping people overcome anxiety and depression. He is skilled at helping workplace teams thrive. Click here to find out how he can help you, your team, or you whole organization get to the next level. 

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